Cherished People who may not be in touch…but it doesn’t matter!

I don’t know the worth of relations…Somehow,each time someone close goes away, it takes me a while to let go of the person but then eventually things become the same. The other day one of my close friends was in town for a couple of days…I spent a great weekend hanging out, seeing new places and having fun, sharing emotions and then came the time when he left…I cried for a couple of hours, didn’t do much and then was the other day when I started for work…The same route felt like I have not walked out of my house since a long time and after how many days was I travelling through the same train and bus…Office also felt alien…and all I wanted to do was be professional, work and leave on time and get back home to settle down with that hollow feeling…

Somehow, after a couple of days, things were exactly as before…School went by…and I had the best of friends…and I was so excited about entering college that friends and school could pass by, college was a little difficult, may be I was more awre of my surroundings and people, but now I don’t seem to talk to any of those friends…as I take things by phases…What is gone was good and I may miss those days and cherish them but will never take an effort to share the same relation as earlier…

Life gives a better phase and new set of people and all you have to do is move on…The most selfish part of it - things and people who are so attached have to be left…no matter how hard you want to stick on to those days and people, the harder it may seem for you to just move on…So, I step up and may never step down…as going back the memory lane sweet things can just be nostalgic but the pain can be intense.

Music – food for the soul!

Magic whic is uncomparable…like an addiction uncontrolled…sweeping you away from reality into a world of your own…and then making you feel real and then getting you back to life …replenishes the soul.

Connection to the heart…Love in all forms is pure, divine and speechless. But  still has a rhythm to it; a melody so sweet and a tune so intuned.Floats like music all around and swings you with the flow, ready to break all restrictions and letting go beyond all boundations. The wait for that unconditional love, that togetherness kills you softly. The expectations reach a level that it hurts and make you feel sad but not angry.

Songs which remind me of my imaginations and feeling of being loved and of being in love… a sweet fragrance and the beauty of flowers and the tenderness and care that I could sense in the words flown…Songs which touch deep down and rip me apart :

Whitney Houston-I will always love you!  OST-The Bodyguard

Roxette-It must have been love OST-Pretty Women

Berlin-Take my Breath Away  OST-Top gun

Bruce Springsteen Secret Garden OST-Jerry Mcguire

Shania Twain Forever and For Always

 The power to be yourself and the uncomparable strength within…reaching out the deepest core of yourself…reuniting with the conscience…being aware of the surroundings and getting yourself into reality…in sync with your existence…the power to meditate…Music is far beyond it…

Enigma -Sadness It can let me be just me.

Enigma-Return to Innocence

Rejoice and party…dance and reenergize…drain out or burst out…all can happen with the vibrations that beats set around you…sensations that jump up and down…with your body….charismatic and magnetic enchant that takes you away and make you tired without the utter sensation of lost energy…

Rihanna-Please don’t stop the music

Jennifer Lopez-If you had my Love(Remix), Play, Jenny on the Block

Beats and instruments…drums and guitar…piano…violin…chords…taps…claps…

Pink Floyd-Coming back to Life, Queen-I want to Break Free, Bonjovi-Living on the Prayer

Sad, dejected, lonely…solitude and peace…

Pink Floyd-Comfortably Numb, Akon-Lonely, Pink Floyd-Wish you were Here

Nostalgic…remembering good and bad…speechless..

Sting-Desert Rose, Every Breath you take

Trance, techno, mantra…can’t explain…hypnotic…grips you…world of flashes…light…utter blisss…

Music goes on and I am lost…Reliving the moment of music being felt deep within…Share similar nostalgic experiences of music and soul being united.

The Melancholy of Emotions! :) :(

The irony of emotions is that I have millions of thoughts to share and no one to listen.  So many of them, that I could possibly go on writing  for days and days, and each day, I could have a new thought provoked. There have been times when I myself cannot match to the speed of my erratic thoughts. Moments pass by and thoughts come and fade in sporadic moments in transit. That is when I realize my restlessness, and the need for time to halt and moments to freeze. This is just one of those moments.

I call this my emotional outburst when a surge of emotions take over me and I am not in control of myself. The best time to be blunt and blurt out things exactly, the way I feel. Past reminiscences of the smallest attachments ever felt and of acquaintances hardly remembering me of even coming across. A time reminding me of memories of lost people and the reasons for their separation. Good times spent with them and the intense and strong urge of wishing and wanting them back in my life.

I feel drunk with emotions, hung up with regrets and burdened with feelings. Over the years, I have taught myself to control my tears in the worst of moments and still found myself weeping for senseless reasons. I guess there is a necessity for me to lent out emotions over a period of time. This makes me wonder about the various emotions that I am undergoing and have undergone.

For me,attachment has been the most disturbing and turbulent emotion of all times. I remember and miss mere acquaintances met during past travels, people who leave and may just never meet up again. I still think about their small jokes, chit-chats, kind gestures, smiles exchanged and gossips. Faces passed on roads, met on traffic signals, met via friends or relatives, neighbors never spoken to but still reminding me of my near and dear ones.

There are special feelings associated with people who have unknowingly impacted my life and have been a reason for motivation. Words and actions which I might just never forget and would always regret if ever forgotten. Yes, the feeling that I “wish you were here”.Possessiveness that I “could always keep you with me”. And the best part being that I have never revealed to any of  them about my respect, admiration and concern for them,  all over these years. People whom I have simply lost touch and have no idea why I let them vanish. My heart sinks thinking that inspite of all that happened, I would still have to let go of many others who are presently helping me be just myself.

Hence, arises the vulnerability of confessing your weakness in front of people who can mock and never understand the guts required to express every bit of emotion within you. It is not that easy, I know, I have tried that and people say that it is useless to do so.They consider it as a matter of sympathy rather than being empathetic. But the ultimate truth is although, for a short span of time, everyone encounters the emotional part of them but they are simply too scared to openly admit the same.

The other day I went to the ‘Shamshan’ with a friend. Prior to that, I had never realized the feeling of how life ended and how scary it was to accept losing your dear ones.The courage needed to agree with the fact that they are not going to be a part of your world and never going to be there for anything that you would ever need them for.The agony stays and mourning remains with the brutal truth of death holding true.

On every encounter with this struggle of acceptance of an emotion,I find a new emotion relived within. I know this is just too overwhelming and poignant but then this phase had just taken its toll over me. So, I dedicate this post to the touching & wandering feeling and to my precious memories, indeed to all those lost dear ones;lost due to distance, time, misunderstandings, circumstances or death.

The Sarcasm of Life!

Life seems way too complicated and its intricacies have indulged me into its mysteries, unravelling its hidden and unpredictable chapters. In my life, things are happening in their own manner but then aren’t they suppose to happen so? Actually, I have no idea. All in all the only thing that I can sense is that inspite of my full fledged efforts of gearing up my life and  of changing its direction, nothing seems to change other than time.Whereas, this change in time makes me realize that I am somewhere stuck and glued to my destiny. I had heard and believed that my destiny is to be carved with my own hands. But once again the destined seems to simply rule over me.

Time again takes me back to my lost memories and reminds me of my attached self.Old  Self wanting to be in company of old friends, gossips and chats at near-by cafes and in the care and love of encouraging elders; finding myself at home.But suddenly, the struggle begins of the laid-back mind and aggressive soul who wants to grow at its own pace. Time and time history repeats this phase in life forcing me to fight back with my own self. I can’t change destiny and I want to remain happy with my on-going efforts of not giving up,  be it what. So, I make a deal with destiny and presume that my efforts will lead me to the destined. And it leaves me with the notion that all that happens, happens for a good reason.Alas! It gives me back my motivation to fight:)

Trust me, the struggle within is way too complex and way too simple ; complex I say is cause it is very difficult for you to know your self and your desires and the most difficult to know your ultimate desire, this set of prioritizing life with time is tedious and tough; simple I say cause everything is based on the cliche rules of life, the more experienced you are, the more easier it is. Although, the intensity of the challenge may grow and so will your complexities but the laid rules and the game of life remains the same, the only difference lies in the way you play it and how well you play it!

This indeed leads me to the banal controversy of all times-Right against the Wrong. Damn! Morals and Ethics come into play and I don’t know how to survive in this era of commercialism and politics. Corruption creeps into the roots and I am asked to justify myself in front of nowhere but just the mirror! As everyone else thinks wrong is right and that indeed is a matter of survival. I kill my innocence and become a professional where money matters and nothing else does. Relations and attachments make me emotional and emotions could be trampled and hurt. So, I am asked to give up on all my dear ones as the dear also are not dear. I move ahead and grow in careerand leave my friends and fellow men.Temporary relations give me everlasting memories and ages after they meet again and all I hear is just a “Hi”. Words seem to be lost with time and no-one knows the reason why? I recollect all my memoirs of them and then we start to share more words.

Time again takes me back to that phase where I don’t want to be a loner again.Loneliness – my precious freedom of life and Company-Being the Food for thought.I am stuck with yet another dilemma of times-Inner Space and Extrovert Self. So, I am cheerful and bubbly and making friends again. But still keeping the distance of not letting them know me that well. For the inner self is scared to be vulnerable and fears losing the dear again. So, I still try and know others and their memories become more precious to me. I have company and I relate to them, share and talk and be dependent again. So, I lose my loneliness and even my freedom. My actions are bound by their actions and words. For I trust them, more than I trust myself. Then emotions clash and you are hurt and expectations shatter and you collapse back into your nutshell. The space is so much needed by you for things to settle down and even you. But somewhere the conflict springs back again when you miss the company and  your friends again.

This inner conflict never seems to stop. I keep on thinking and work a lot. The more I think, the more I get involved. The more I work, I face the real shot.There is just no escape and it is a dangerous plot. Life is way too sarcastic and funny. I laugh over it and then shed tears;). I can’t believe this still gets me going on… But I love life and wanna give it another shot.

What enlightens my spirit?

Let’s start with a controversial topic.”Religion”–>I call it the Spiritual World & Worship—>a form of Being Spiritual.  Believe me! I am not an atheist. Since, childhood I have had a single prayer and it seems to me like a nursery rhyme. I repeat the same till date in front of every temple,mosque or church. Any place of worship makes me feel the same, calm and tranquil, willing to stay there in desperate need to heal myself and then motivates me to move on into the world of reality.This ritual is like self meditation where in I create  positive energy within me to start afresh and believe in self and in the spirit of good-will.It may be a form of “Feel good” factor but it indeed rejuvenates the soul and is like an ablution of negative thoughts,bringing clarity to the mind,resolving all perplexed situations,relieving the tension of all hassles and letting go of all that I would want to let go and feel my presence and existence as a being. And that very moment I relive…relive as a human. The only place where I am truthful to myself and accept my flaws, being ashamed of them too.All this makes me realize that I have some power within me which can create miracles and resolve mysteries. I seem to exercise self-control on my life and become geared up to lead it to various directions. Finally, I thank the Almighty(Radiant Energy) for being there and taking care of me and my fellow people.

Religion, on the other hand, is mere a way of worshipping the Energy and practising the faith to move on. I am not the right person to write about rituals as I am not thoroughly aware about different religions and their beliefs. But, I believe, religion is also a way of judging the right and wrong; a parameter of trying to be rational. It is indeed a way of respecting our ancestors and following customs/traditions and keeping their faith alive. Another method of being civilized and different than the other forms of life.It is the most popular way of connecting to the holy spirit just within you.

Personally,  defining worship for an individual is more difficult than practising religion. As worship could be admiration and respect for someone and dedication and expression of gratitude for others. For me, it is my sense of not giving up and not losing hope in all my low phases. It is also a word of encouragement given by my grandfather. A thought of being independent and capable of being self-reliant. An internal prayer continuously sung with every breath that I intake.Whereas, for the slumboy on the road, it is just a wayof survival and a sense of sustaining his life. In the end, worship is my spirit to live life.

Hello world!

Yippie! This is my first blog ever and it took me almost twenty four years to do so. Now, that is obviously not an achievement but indeed a funny feeling to start writing publically. After reading so many articles, blogs and books and after being inspired to write and after even trying to write a serious article in my college days on “The Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” and after being rejected by a publisher for a childish article on Santa Claus, I still find myself loving to write again.

This concept of blogging researched on various sites from starting to write a blog, to growing and promoting it and then later monetizing it, seems to have fascinated me.

Alright,I am not here to preach others but teach myself indeed and to stay clear in my own thoughts and eventually be definate about them.I am also here to hear out your views on my thoughts and on my writing skills so as to judge myself and improvise upon it syntactically and semantically.

I guess that’s enough for a start as we have a long way to go on a ride of bizarre,earthly,spiritual,fantasy and fun based blogs!

Do let me know if you have a special request on a specific topic.Till then,

Cheers!

OutoftheOvalBox—>Out of the Mind Connecting Thoughts, Cluttering Blocks and Linking Folks!